Lately I’ve been struggling with being able to maintain what seems like a reasonable amount of adult patience. Why I ask myself should I be short tempered with anyone? I am an easy going person who worries about everyone in my family on a continual basis. (an oxymoron I know)
Recently after having a one sided under the radar verbal assault with a family member I was a little taken back by the mood it put me in. I was surprised to find that while it didn’t negatively impact my interactions with other people, it hung over my head like a cloud for the last 32 or so hours. It caused me reflection on my emotional perception of who I am. I wish I could be one of those people who didn’t remind their kid 50 times to clean their room, eat their dinner and put away their laundry. I wish I didn’t have to cringe every time I felt like sharing anything with a particular family member and then follow up with a justification as to why. I wish I could be a person who lets my husband sleep until whenever and do whatever. I wish I could not care what people think of me. I wish I could be emotionally perfect…
But the bottom line is I can’t. My sister put it best when she said “its not that your hard on people, its that you know their capable of more and you expect them to rise to that ability”. Boy that nailed it right there. I am a person who does care for whatever reason about what others think of me, and a person who cant stand to see anyone fail, even if it costs me personally with a little emotional imbalance every once in awhile. I am impatient, flawed, passionate, loving, I expect the best you can do and I don’t accept the word cant and that will never change
That is who I am.